| TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this kid) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher __________________________________ |
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Kids Are Quick
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Chilly Question & Answer
Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday
*********
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
*********
Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
*********
Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
*********
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
*********
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
*********
Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
*********
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
*********
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Facebook hits a quarter billion users
A latest article published on CNet informed that "Facebook hits a quarter billion users", below sharing the article as it is for the people who might have interest.
Least surprising news of the day: Facebook has officially grown to 250 million active users across the world, according to a post on the company blog by CEO Mark Zuckerberg.
"For us, growing to 250 million users isn't just an impressive number; it is a mark of how many personal connections all of you have made, and how far we at Facebook have to go to extend the power of connection to the billions of people around the world," Zuckerberg wrote. (The post is accompanied by an animation of how Facebook's growth spread around the world, which is pretty cool.)
Facebook announced that it had reached 200 million members barely over three months ago. Then, Facebook commemorated the occasion with the launch of a new nonprofit-focused initiative, Facebook for Good. This time, they're not launching anything fancy, just assuring members that they're continuing to develop and innovate.
"Today as we celebrate our 250 millionth user, we are also continuing to develop Facebook to serve as many people in the world in the most effective way possible," Zuckerberg wrote. "This means reaching out to everyone across the world and making products that serve all of you, wherever you are--whether through Facebook Connect, new mobile products and the other things that we are building."
Interesting that he specifically mentioned mobile development. Facebook's growth explosion as of late has been largely overseas, and some would argue that the next frontier for the massive social network would be to make better inroads into countries where people are more likely to be accessing the Web on a mobile device than on a computer.
Facebook Connect, which lets external sites use Facebook login credentials and some profile data, has been one of the company's most high-profile projects since debuting about a year ago. It's also been a big success, with some reports that the company may build a powerful advertising network around it.
And "other things" likely entail the social network's virtual currency system, a potentially lucrative product that wasfinally announced after much speculation but has yet to make any kind of formal debut or rollout.
It took about four months for Facebook to go from 150 million to 200 million members, and slightly longer than that for it to grow from 100 million to 150 million.
Also making Facebook-related milestones this week: "The Accidental Billionaires," the factually questionable account of the social network's early days at Harvard, debuted in bookstores on Tuesday and had cracked Amazon's top-100 ranking by the end of the day.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Why do we read Quran, even if we can't understand a single Arabic word?
This is a beautiful story. An old American Muslim lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Quran. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.
One day the grandson asked, 'Grandpa! I try to read the Quran just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Qur'an do?'
The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, 'Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water.'
The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, 'You'll have to move a little faster next time,' and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.
The old man said, 'I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough,' and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.
At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house. The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, 'See Grandpa, it's useless!'
'So you think it is useless?' The old man said, 'Look at the basket.'
The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.
'Son, that's what happens when you read the Qur'an. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Allah in our lives.'
One day the grandson asked, 'Grandpa! I try to read the Quran just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Qur'an do?'
The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, 'Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water.'
The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, 'You'll have to move a little faster next time,' and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.
The old man said, 'I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough,' and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.
At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house. The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, 'See Grandpa, it's useless!'
'So you think it is useless?' The old man said, 'Look at the basket.'
The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.
'Son, that's what happens when you read the Qur'an. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Allah in our lives.'
Monday, June 29, 2009
MY DOG CAN WALK ON WATER
There was a hunter who came into the possession of a special bird dog. The dog was the only one of its kind, because it can walk on water. One day he invited a friend to go hunting with him so that he could show off his prized possession. After some time, they shot a few ducks, which fell into the river. The man ordered his dog to run and fetch the birds. The dog ran on water to fetch the birds. The man was expecting a compliment about the amazing dog, but did not receive it. Being curious, he asked his friend if the friend had noticed anything unusual about the dog. The friend replied, “Yes, I did see something unusual about your dog. Your
dog can’t swim!”
SUCCESS PRINCIPLES
More than 90% of the people that we face everyday are negative. They choose to look at the hole in the middle rather than the doughnut. Do not expect compliments or encouragement from them. These are the people who cannot pull you out of your present situation. They can only push you down. So be aware of them, spend less time with them, and do not let them steal your dreams away from you.
dog can’t swim!”
SUCCESS PRINCIPLES
More than 90% of the people that we face everyday are negative. They choose to look at the hole in the middle rather than the doughnut. Do not expect compliments or encouragement from them. These are the people who cannot pull you out of your present situation. They can only push you down. So be aware of them, spend less time with them, and do not let them steal your dreams away from you.
MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE
"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one - Thought Provoking
His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the ! day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all... He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A letter from an Sardar's mother to her son
My dear Jagjit,
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles. I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The First time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died.
And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love - Mom.
P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles. I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The First time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died.
And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love - Mom.
P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Sardar Strikes Again............. Some Latest Ones
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL, my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?
When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that’s for those who don’t know Swimming.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call".
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Sardar in airplane going to Bombay. While its landing he was excited and
shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar: ullu ke patthe, gadhe, idiot, naalaayak, besharam, tujhe kuch nahi
aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..
Haste raho…..
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL, my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?
When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that’s for those who don’t know Swimming.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call".
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Sardar in airplane going to Bombay. While its landing he was excited and
shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar: ullu ke patthe, gadhe, idiot, naalaayak, besharam, tujhe kuch nahi
aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..
Haste raho…..
Monday, May 04, 2009
LUMS Pakistan outscore Berkeley,Oxford and Yale at WorldMUN 2009
Harvard World Model United Nations (WorldMUN) is the most diverse college-level Model UN conference and the largest outside of North America. Every year 1,650 college students from over 42 countries attend WorldMUN in a different location around the world; past locations include Beijing, China, Belo Horizonte, Brazil, and Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt. The conference lasts one week in late March and combines committee sessions during the day with nightly social events. The week provides delegates with an amazing way to experience the host country and to learn with students from around the world.
Vision of WorldMUN
07 April, 2009
The Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS) team won the “Outstanding Delegation” Award at the Harvard World Model United Nations Conference held from March 22 – 27, 2009 in the Hague, capital of Netherlands. The team comprised of 8 undergraduate students from LUMS sitting in the simulation of various United Nations committees.
The conference was attended by 2200 students from over 150 prestigious universities worldwide including Oxford, London School of Economics, Yale and UC Berkley among others.
Of these, only two delegations were awarded the “Outstanding Delegation” awards on their performance ratio and LUMS, with 6 individual “Outstanding Diplomacy” awards out of 8, was one of them, the other being MUN Society Belgium.
The award marks the fourth continuous victory of the LUMS team at the Harvard WorldMUN Conferences which are organized by Harvard University and held in a different country every year.. The LUMS team bagged the coveted “Outstanding Delegation” Awards in Beijing (2006), Geneva (2007) and Puebla, Mexico (2008) in the previous years, bringing Pakistan to the forefront of the largest and most prestigious student gatherings in the world, year after year.
Another LUMS team comprising of 13 students performed exceptionally at the Model UN Turkey Conference held in Izmir, Turkey from March 9 – 13, 2009 and attended by over 500 students from across the world. Ten out of thirteen students won “Outstanding Diplomacy” Awards and thus securing the only “Outstanding Delegation” Award of that conference. It is noteworthy to mention here that the funds for these trips are raised entirely by the students of the LUMS Model UN Society themselves through organizing the prestigious annual All Pakistan Model United Nations Conference at LUMS which is the largest student gathering in South Asia.
WorldMUN Awards Policy WorldMUN is an experience based on diplomacy, compromise, knowledge, learning and friendship. It is a unique opportunity for university students from around the world to meet each other and discuss issues of international scope and importance. And so, in the spirit of discouraging competitiveness and encouraging cooperation, the individuals that best capture the ‘WorldMUN spirit’ in each committee will be given Diplomacy Awards. These will be the only individual awards granted and the guidelines for giving the awards will be the same as in years past.
Two Outstanding Delegation Awards will be awarded to the two delegations who have best exemplified the ‘WorldMUN spirit’ throughout the week of the conference.
The following are some of the criteria that are used in evaluating delegates:
Vision of WorldMUN
07 April, 2009
The Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS) team won the “Outstanding Delegation” Award at the Harvard World Model United Nations Conference held from March 22 – 27, 2009 in the Hague, capital of Netherlands. The team comprised of 8 undergraduate students from LUMS sitting in the simulation of various United Nations committees.
The conference was attended by 2200 students from over 150 prestigious universities worldwide including Oxford, London School of Economics, Yale and UC Berkley among others.
Of these, only two delegations were awarded the “Outstanding Delegation” awards on their performance ratio and LUMS, with 6 individual “Outstanding Diplomacy” awards out of 8, was one of them, the other being MUN Society Belgium.
The award marks the fourth continuous victory of the LUMS team at the Harvard WorldMUN Conferences which are organized by Harvard University and held in a different country every year.. The LUMS team bagged the coveted “Outstanding Delegation” Awards in Beijing (2006), Geneva (2007) and Puebla, Mexico (2008) in the previous years, bringing Pakistan to the forefront of the largest and most prestigious student gatherings in the world, year after year.
Another LUMS team comprising of 13 students performed exceptionally at the Model UN Turkey Conference held in Izmir, Turkey from March 9 – 13, 2009 and attended by over 500 students from across the world. Ten out of thirteen students won “Outstanding Diplomacy” Awards and thus securing the only “Outstanding Delegation” Award of that conference. It is noteworthy to mention here that the funds for these trips are raised entirely by the students of the LUMS Model UN Society themselves through organizing the prestigious annual All Pakistan Model United Nations Conference at LUMS which is the largest student gathering in South Asia.
WorldMUN Awards Policy WorldMUN is an experience based on diplomacy, compromise, knowledge, learning and friendship. It is a unique opportunity for university students from around the world to meet each other and discuss issues of international scope and importance. And so, in the spirit of discouraging competitiveness and encouraging cooperation, the individuals that best capture the ‘WorldMUN spirit’ in each committee will be given Diplomacy Awards. These will be the only individual awards granted and the guidelines for giving the awards will be the same as in years past.
Two Outstanding Delegation Awards will be awarded to the two delegations who have best exemplified the ‘WorldMUN spirit’ throughout the week of the conference.
The following are some of the criteria that are used in evaluating delegates:
- Knowledge and representation of the nation’s interests and policies, and of the committee topics;
- Timely submission of quality position papers;
- Ability to work with other delegates;
- Ability to persuade other delegates about the feasibility of a certain solution;
- Ability to develop pragmatic and acceptable solutions to the issues; Skill and effectiveness in caucusing, amendment and resolution writing, and debate;
- Ability to work effectively with other delegates.
This information was originally posted @ http://infoxon.blogspot.com/2009/04/pakistan-outscore-berkeleyoxford-and.html, but it inspired me alot that i could not refrain myself to re-post it.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Sardar Jokes
Bomb and Sardars
2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,
1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha
Sardar and Police
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.
Doctor And Sardar .
Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt
Sardar and Home
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun
The real Sardar
Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,
kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
Sardar and Hitler
Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"
Sardar and Computer
Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
Two Sardars
1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda so hi jaye
1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?
Sardar and Practical Exam
In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name
2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,
1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha
Sardar and Police
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.
Doctor And Sardar .
Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt
Sardar and Home
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun
The real Sardar
Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,
kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
Sardar and Hitler
Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"
Sardar and Computer
Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
Two Sardars
1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda so hi jaye
1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?
Sardar and Practical Exam
In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name
CEILING FAN
A man died and went to heaven.
He saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked the angel, 'What are all those clocks?'
Angel answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mohammad Bin Qasim's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man'. And whose clock is that one?'
Angel responded, 'That's Liaquat Ali Khan's. The hands have moved twice, telling us that he told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's President Zardari's clock?' asked the man.
'Zardari's clock is in our office. We are using it as a ceiling fan.
He saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked the angel, 'What are all those clocks?'
Angel answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mohammad Bin Qasim's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man'. And whose clock is that one?'
Angel responded, 'That's Liaquat Ali Khan's. The hands have moved twice, telling us that he told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's President Zardari's clock?' asked the man.
'Zardari's clock is in our office. We are using it as a ceiling fan.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Me and My Father
When I was 4 Yrs Old : My father is THE BEST
When I was 6 Yrs Old : My father seems to know everyone
When I was 10 Yrs Old : My father is excellent but he is short tempered
When I was 12 Yrs Old : My father was nice when I was little
When I was 14 Yrs Old : My father started being too sensitive
When I was 16 Yrs Old : My father can't keep up with modern time
When I was 18 Yrs Old : My father is getting less tolerant as the days pass by
When I was 20 Yrs Old : It is too hard to forgive my father, how could my Mum stand him all these years
When I was 25 Yrs Old : My father seems to be objecting to everything I do
When I was 30 Yrs Old: It's very difficult to be in agreement with my father, I wonder if my Grandfather was troubled by my father when he was a youth
When I was 40 Yrs Old: My father brought me up with a lot of discipline, I must do the same
When I was 45 Yrs Old: I am puzzled, how did my father manage to raise all of us
When I was 50 Yrs Old : It's rather difficult to control my kids, how much did my father suffer for the sake of upbringing and protecting us
When I was 55 Yrs Old: My father was far looking and had wide plans for us, he was gentle and outstanding.
When I became 60 Yrs Old: My father is THE BEST
Note that it took 56 Yrs to complete the cycle and return to the starting point 'My father is THE BEST' !
Let's be good to our parents before it's too late and pray to Allaah that our own children will treat us even better than the way we treated our parents .
When I was 6 Yrs Old : My father seems to know everyone
When I was 10 Yrs Old : My father is excellent but he is short tempered
When I was 12 Yrs Old : My father was nice when I was little
When I was 14 Yrs Old : My father started being too sensitive
When I was 16 Yrs Old : My father can't keep up with modern time
When I was 18 Yrs Old : My father is getting less tolerant as the days pass by
When I was 20 Yrs Old : It is too hard to forgive my father, how could my Mum stand him all these years
When I was 25 Yrs Old : My father seems to be objecting to everything I do
When I was 30 Yrs Old: It's very difficult to be in agreement with my father, I wonder if my Grandfather was troubled by my father when he was a youth
When I was 40 Yrs Old: My father brought me up with a lot of discipline, I must do the same
When I was 45 Yrs Old: I am puzzled, how did my father manage to raise all of us
When I was 50 Yrs Old : It's rather difficult to control my kids, how much did my father suffer for the sake of upbringing and protecting us
When I was 55 Yrs Old: My father was far looking and had wide plans for us, he was gentle and outstanding.
When I became 60 Yrs Old: My father is THE BEST
Note that it took 56 Yrs to complete the cycle and return to the starting point 'My father is THE BEST' !
Let's be good to our parents before it's too late and pray to Allaah that our own children will treat us even better than the way we treated our parents .
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Obama's Sophisticated Official Car
New presidential limo is unveiled - and it can withstand rocket and chemical attacks.
It's official call sign is Cadillac One, but it will always be known as the Obamobile.
Click Picture to expand.
His Secret Service agents have already been familiarising themselves with the machine they call 'The Beast', built by General Motors in Detroit and based on a Cadillac chassis.
The company refuses to give precise details of how it will perform its primary purpose - protecting the president. But bulletproof glass and armourplatingare standard throughout and the car is hermetically-sealed to withstand chemical weapons. As with previous presidential limos it is packed with electronic communication systems to allow Mr Obama to keep in contact with the outside world.
One personal touch will be the remote-controlled ten-CD changer on which he can play his favourite artists, said to include Stevie Wonder and Bob Dylan.
It's official call sign is Cadillac One, but it will always be known as the Obamobile.
Click Picture to expand.
His Secret Service agents have already been familiarising themselves with the machine they call 'The Beast', built by General Motors in Detroit and based on a Cadillac chassis.
The company refuses to give precise details of how it will perform its primary purpose - protecting the president. But bulletproof glass and armourplatingare standard throughout and the car is hermetically-sealed to withstand chemical weapons. As with previous presidential limos it is packed with electronic communication systems to allow Mr Obama to keep in contact with the outside world.
One personal touch will be the remote-controlled ten-CD changer on which he can play his favourite artists, said to include Stevie Wonder and Bob Dylan.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Why Muslims are behind and Jews ahead?
An eye opener comparison!!!
The figures are speaking themselves very loudly. We are unable to listen.
Some thoughts:
Extracts of speech by Hafez A.B Mohamed: Director-General, Al Baraka Bank.
Demographics:
o World Jewish Population: 14 million
o Distribution: 7 M in America
5 M in Asia
2 M in Europe
100 thousand in Africa
o World Muslim Population: 1.5 billion
o Distribution: 1 billion in Asia/Mid-East
400 M in Africa
44 M in Europe
6 M in the Americas
o Every fifth human being is a Muslim
o For every single Hindu there are two Muslims
o For every Buddhist there are two Muslims
o For every Jew there are 107 Muslims
o Yet the 14 million Jews are more powerful than the entire 1.5 billion Muslims
Why?
Here are some of the reasons:
Movers of Current History:
o Albert Einstein Jewish
o Sigmund Freud Jewish
o Karl Marx Jewish
o Paul Samuelson Jewish
o Milton Friedman Jewish
Medical Milestones:
o Vaccinating Needle: Benjamin Ruben Jewish
o Polio Vaccine: Jonas Salk Jewish
o Leukaemia Drug: Gertrude Elion Jewish
o Hepatitis B: Baruch Blumberg Jewish
o Syphilis Drug: Paul Ehrlich Jewish
o Neuro muscular: Elie Metchnikoff Jewish
o Endocrinology: Andrew Schally Jewish
o Cognitive therapy: Aaron Beck Jewish
o Contraceptive Pill: Gregory Pincus Jewish
o Understanding of Human Eye: G. Wald Jewish
o Embryology: Stanley Cohen Jewish
o Kidney Dialysis: Willem Kloffcame Jewish
Nobel Prize Winners:
o In the past 105 years, out of 14 million Jews, 180 have won Nobel prizes, whilst out of 1.5 billion Muslims, only 3 have been Nobel winners.
Inventions that changed History:
o Micro- Processing Chip: Stanley Mezor Jewish
o Nuclear Chain Reactor: Leo Sziland Jewish
o Optical Fibre Cable: Peter Schultz Jewish
o Traffic Lights: Charles Adler Jewish
o Stainless Steel: Benno Strauss Jewish
o Sound Movies: Isador Kisee Jewish
o Telephone Microphone: Emile Berliner Jewish
o Video Tape Recorder: Charles Ginsburg Jewish
Influential Global Business:
o Polo: Ralph Lauren Jewish
o Coca Cola Jewish
o Levi's Jeans: Levi Strauss Jewish
o Sawbuck's: Howard Schultz Jewish
o Google: Sergey Brin Jewish
o Dell Computers: Michael Dell Jewish
o Oracle: Larry Ellison Jewish
o DKNY: Donna Karan Jewish
o Baskin & Robbins: Irv Robbins Jewish
o Dunkin Donuts: Bill Rosenberg Jewish
Influential Intellectuals/ Politicians:
o Henry Kissinger , US Sec of State Jewish
o Richard Levin, PresidentYaleUniver sity Jewish
o Alan Greenspan , US Federal Reserve Jewish
o Joseph Lieberman Jewish
o Madeleine Albright , US Sec of State Jewish
o CasperWeinberger , US Sec of Defence Jewish
o Maxim Litvinov , USSR Foreign Minister Jewish
o DavidMarshal , Singapore Chief Minister Jewish
o Isaacs Isaacs, Gov-GenAustralia Jewish
o Benjamin Disraeli, British Statesman Jewish
o Yevgeny Primakov, Russian PM Jewish
o Barry Goldwater , US Politician Jewish
o Jorge Sampaio, President Portugal Jewish
o Herb Gray, Canadian Deputy - PM Jewish
o Pierre Mendes, French PM Jewish
o Michael Howard, British Home Sec. Jewish
o Bruno Kriesky, Austrian Chancellor Jewish
o Robert Rubin , US Sec of Treasury Jewish
Global Media Influential:
o Wolf Blitzer, CNN Jewish
o Barbara Walters, ABC News Jewish
o EugeneMeyer , Washington Post Jewish
o Henry Grunwald, Time Magazine Jewish
o Katherine Graham , Washington Post Jewish
o Joseph Lelyeld, New York Times Jewish
o Max Frankel, New York Times Jewish
Global Philanthropists:
o George Soros Jewish
o Walter Annenberg Jewish
Why are they powerful? Why are Muslims powerless?
Here's another reason. We have lost the capacity to produce knowledge.
o In the entire Muslim World (57 Muslim Countries) there are only 500 universities.
o In USA alone, 5,758 universities
o In India alone, 8,407 universities
o Not one university in the entire Islamic World features in the Top 500 Ranking Universities of the World
o Literacy in the Christian World 90%
o Literacy in the Muslim World 40%
o 15 Christian majority-countries, literacy rate 100%
o Muslim majority - countries , None
o 98% in Christian countries completed primary
o Only 50% in Muslim countries completed primary.
o 40% in Christian countries attended university
o In Muslim countries a dismal 2% attended.
o Muslim majority countries have 230 scientists per one million Muslims
o The USA has 5000 per million
o The Christian world 1000 technicians per million.
o Entire Arab World only 50 technicians per million.
o Muslim World spends on research/developmen t 0.2% of GDP
o Christian World spends 5 % of GDP
Conclusion:
o The Muslim World lacks the capacity to produce knowledge
Another way of testing the degree of knowledge is the degree of diffusing knowledge.
o Pakistan 23 daily newspapers per 1000 citizens
o Singapore 460 per 1000 citizens
o In UK book titles per million is 2000
o In Egypt book titles per million is only 17
Conclusion:
o Muslim World is failing to diffuse knowledge
Applying Knowledge is another such test.
o Exports of high tech products from Pakistan is 0.9% of its exports
o In Saudi Arabia is 0.2%
o Kuwait , Morocco and Algeria 0.3%
o Singapore alone is 68%
Conclusion:
o Muslim World is failing to apply knowledge
What do you conclude? No need to tell. The figures are speaking themselves very loudly. We are unable to listen.
Advice:
Please educate yourself and your children. Always promote education, don't compromise on it, don't ignore your children's slightest misguidance from education (and please, for Allah's Sake, don't use your personal contacts or sources to promote your children in their education. If they fail, let them, and make them learn to pass. If they can't do it now, they can't ever).
We are the world's biggest and strongest nation, all we need is to identify and explore our ownselves. Our victory is with our knowledge, our creativity, our literacy
The figures are speaking themselves very loudly. We are unable to listen.
Some thoughts:
Extracts of speech by Hafez A.B Mohamed: Director-General, Al Baraka Bank.
Demographics:
o World Jewish Population: 14 million
o Distribution: 7 M in America
5 M in Asia
2 M in Europe
100 thousand in Africa
o World Muslim Population: 1.5 billion
o Distribution: 1 billion in Asia/Mid-East
400 M in Africa
44 M in Europe
6 M in the Americas
o Every fifth human being is a Muslim
o For every single Hindu there are two Muslims
o For every Buddhist there are two Muslims
o For every Jew there are 107 Muslims
o Yet the 14 million Jews are more powerful than the entire 1.5 billion Muslims
Why?
Here are some of the reasons:
Movers of Current History:
o Albert Einstein Jewish
o Sigmund Freud Jewish
o Karl Marx Jewish
o Paul Samuelson Jewish
o Milton Friedman Jewish
Medical Milestones:
o Vaccinating Needle: Benjamin Ruben Jewish
o Polio Vaccine: Jonas Salk Jewish
o Leukaemia Drug: Gertrude Elion Jewish
o Hepatitis B: Baruch Blumberg Jewish
o Syphilis Drug: Paul Ehrlich Jewish
o Neuro muscular: Elie Metchnikoff Jewish
o Endocrinology: Andrew Schally Jewish
o Cognitive therapy: Aaron Beck Jewish
o Contraceptive Pill: Gregory Pincus Jewish
o Understanding of Human Eye: G. Wald Jewish
o Embryology: Stanley Cohen Jewish
o Kidney Dialysis: Willem Kloffcame Jewish
Nobel Prize Winners:
o In the past 105 years, out of 14 million Jews, 180 have won Nobel prizes, whilst out of 1.5 billion Muslims, only 3 have been Nobel winners.
Inventions that changed History:
o Micro- Processing Chip: Stanley Mezor Jewish
o Nuclear Chain Reactor: Leo Sziland Jewish
o Optical Fibre Cable: Peter Schultz Jewish
o Traffic Lights: Charles Adler Jewish
o Stainless Steel: Benno Strauss Jewish
o Sound Movies: Isador Kisee Jewish
o Telephone Microphone: Emile Berliner Jewish
o Video Tape Recorder: Charles Ginsburg Jewish
Influential Global Business:
o Polo: Ralph Lauren Jewish
o Coca Cola Jewish
o Levi's Jeans: Levi Strauss Jewish
o Sawbuck's: Howard Schultz Jewish
o Google: Sergey Brin Jewish
o Dell Computers: Michael Dell Jewish
o Oracle: Larry Ellison Jewish
o DKNY: Donna Karan Jewish
o Baskin & Robbins: Irv Robbins Jewish
o Dunkin Donuts: Bill Rosenberg Jewish
Influential Intellectuals/ Politicians:
o Henry Kissinger , US Sec of State Jewish
o Richard Levin, PresidentYaleUniver sity Jewish
o Alan Greenspan , US Federal Reserve Jewish
o Joseph Lieberman Jewish
o Madeleine Albright , US Sec of State Jewish
o CasperWeinberger , US Sec of Defence Jewish
o Maxim Litvinov , USSR Foreign Minister Jewish
o DavidMarshal , Singapore Chief Minister Jewish
o Isaacs Isaacs, Gov-GenAustralia Jewish
o Benjamin Disraeli, British Statesman Jewish
o Yevgeny Primakov, Russian PM Jewish
o Barry Goldwater , US Politician Jewish
o Jorge Sampaio, President Portugal Jewish
o Herb Gray, Canadian Deputy - PM Jewish
o Pierre Mendes, French PM Jewish
o Michael Howard, British Home Sec. Jewish
o Bruno Kriesky, Austrian Chancellor Jewish
o Robert Rubin , US Sec of Treasury Jewish
Global Media Influential:
o Wolf Blitzer, CNN Jewish
o Barbara Walters, ABC News Jewish
o EugeneMeyer , Washington Post Jewish
o Henry Grunwald, Time Magazine Jewish
o Katherine Graham , Washington Post Jewish
o Joseph Lelyeld, New York Times Jewish
o Max Frankel, New York Times Jewish
Global Philanthropists:
o George Soros Jewish
o Walter Annenberg Jewish
Why are they powerful? Why are Muslims powerless?
Here's another reason. We have lost the capacity to produce knowledge.
o In the entire Muslim World (57 Muslim Countries) there are only 500 universities.
o In USA alone, 5,758 universities
o In India alone, 8,407 universities
o Not one university in the entire Islamic World features in the Top 500 Ranking Universities of the World
o Literacy in the Christian World 90%
o Literacy in the Muslim World 40%
o 15 Christian majority-countries, literacy rate 100%
o Muslim majority - countries , None
o 98% in Christian countries completed primary
o Only 50% in Muslim countries completed primary.
o 40% in Christian countries attended university
o In Muslim countries a dismal 2% attended.
o Muslim majority countries have 230 scientists per one million Muslims
o The USA has 5000 per million
o The Christian world 1000 technicians per million.
o Entire Arab World only 50 technicians per million.
o Muslim World spends on research/developmen t 0.2% of GDP
o Christian World spends 5 % of GDP
Conclusion:
o The Muslim World lacks the capacity to produce knowledge
Another way of testing the degree of knowledge is the degree of diffusing knowledge.
o Pakistan 23 daily newspapers per 1000 citizens
o Singapore 460 per 1000 citizens
o In UK book titles per million is 2000
o In Egypt book titles per million is only 17
Conclusion:
o Muslim World is failing to diffuse knowledge
Applying Knowledge is another such test.
o Exports of high tech products from Pakistan is 0.9% of its exports
o In Saudi Arabia is 0.2%
o Kuwait , Morocco and Algeria 0.3%
o Singapore alone is 68%
Conclusion:
o Muslim World is failing to apply knowledge
What do you conclude? No need to tell. The figures are speaking themselves very loudly. We are unable to listen.
Advice:
Please educate yourself and your children. Always promote education, don't compromise on it, don't ignore your children's slightest misguidance from education (and please, for Allah's Sake, don't use your personal contacts or sources to promote your children in their education. If they fail, let them, and make them learn to pass. If they can't do it now, they can't ever).
We are the world's biggest and strongest nation, all we need is to identify and explore our ownselves. Our victory is with our knowledge, our creativity, our literacy
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